It’s okay to look back with fond memories but keep moving forward.
Me again, with another of my ‘maturity makeover’ posts.
Today I want to talk about friendships. Friends. Those people who aren’t family but take up as much, if not more, time in your life. They’re great aren’t they? And so important. I’m the kind of person who loves making friends. Really, I’m so sociable it’s almost annoying, and I love meeting new people or reconnecting with people from the past.
The first thing we learn as children is how to socialise. Even before we learn to read or write, we’re at playgroups or nursery or mother and baby classes being held up with other teeny people learning to communicate before we can actually talk. That’s because our parents want us to have friends. People are not meant to be alone and our relationships are important. Another important part of life, is learning when a relationship should no longer be in your life. What I mean by this, is that no one in the world has 100% of the friends they’ve made over the years still present. I have friends from primary school, secondary school, uni, work and many others but do I keep in regular contact with every single person I’ve called a friend in my 20 years of life? No I don’t, and neither do you. And there is nothing wrong with that.
The way I see it, people come into your life at different times for different reasons, and you come into their lives for different reasons as well. As Daniel Sloss says, our lives are like a jigsaw, and we’re made up of all these people who add another piece to the puzzle. A big part of life is accepting that not everyone will be in your life forever. I’m not saying you need to have a dramatic fall out and to leave things in a negative way. But sometimes, there are friendships of circumstance. Everyone still in my life are people who make the effort to keep up with me and I make the effort to keep up with them. That’s what friendship is: a mutual interest in each others lives.
I’m lucky that I would say I’ve only had one person leave my circle in a negative fashion. And that’s fine, they played their part, I played mine, and now we’re probably both happier. There’s many other people that I’ve been friends with that I’ve simply fallen out of touch with, no animosity, just busy lives. Friendships aren’t easy and they need to be worked at. And we just aren’t capable of the work it would take to remain close with every person we’ve ever met. And that’s fine. Sometimes someone just fades away, and sometimes you need to make the conscious decision to ‘break up’ with a friend. There are toxic people for you out there (Doesn’t necessarily mean they are toxic to everyone but they are for you) and that’s not a presence you need in your life. If there is a friend who consciously makes you feel bad about yourself, they need to be taken out of the jigsaw. I’m not talking being a bit jealous of someone or anything, but someone who puts you down and doesn’t have time for you but expects you to have time for them, and a whole other plethora of negative aspects, then they don’t fit in your puzzle. Remember that.
I think quite often people think they can’t make friends again after a certain age or stage in their life. I am a firm believer that this is not true. I’ve made friends in the past 6 months that are as close as ones I’ve had for 10 years. To me, my life is another 60 odd years for making best friends. Sounds great, doesn’t it? Every person comes to a friendship differently, some people love having a small, tight circle, whereas others like a wide scatter of friends. It does not matter, so long as they are bringing something positive to your life and you are bringing something positive to theirs.
I would urge you to spend time with the people who matter to you, and those you want to keep in your life. Reach out to those who you think you could help or could help you. And remember, it’s okay to lose touch with some people. You’re only human. But balance that with knowing that any kind of relationship takes work. So make sure you work at the ones you want to keep.
So, I hope you enjoyed this blog post and found it interesting. I’m now away to make sure I’m practising what I preach and work at my relationships!
Thank you for reading.